I have a confession to make, I am terrified. I do have a huge amount of fear. I am THAT terrified liberal generally staying at home, wearing my mask, and socially distancing. All of this is okay and reasonable. It doesn't make me horrible, stupid, a sheep or anything else. It makes me human.
One thing not so many people know about me is that I'm terrified of germs, bacteria, viruses, and anything that may get me sick and kill me. I've had this fear since I was a child. Yes I tackled a lot of these fears through therapy.
My therapist taught me it is reasonable to draw boundaries with people in regards to my fears. So I do. I never share drinks, I never use the toilet while I'm out, I also sanitize my toilet after someone has used it in my house. I also avoid gatherings during cold and flu season. Why? Because it helps me cope.
Through therapy I also learned how to shop without fear of touching things others have touched, how to shake hands, hug people and otherwise interact without the fear creeping in. Also, because I went to therapy before having children I learned that children will scare me by eating dirt, picking up food off the floor and eating it, and generally build their immune systems through exploration. I also learned not to push these fears on my children.
I was also told there would never ever in any way be a situation in my life where I would have to worry about a virus or bacteria getting me deadly sick because viruses are not like the movies.
Did my therapist lie? No, at the time she never could have predicted COVID-19.
What I want people to understand though is that COVID-19 for people like me is the nightmare we've had for a long time. It's the ultimate viral fear come to life. It's what all of our therapists said would never happen and it's happening.
I promise you we've thought about viruses being undetected for 2 weeks or more until boom you're sick and by that point it may be too late. We've also thought about viruses sticking to everything. Many of us have been planning our whole lives prepping for just what to do to decontaminate, shop, avoid others, stay out of the line of viruses. We have it ALL painfully thought out.
I've seen posts asking what people do to shop and avoid getting the virus on them. I have an answer to all of those questions. I can make a whole article on my 2 hour shopping trip for 6 items alone.
I've also seen ableist language being thrown around in regards to those taking the better safe than sorry route. That hurts. It hurts a lot to know many once close friends see me as stupid, the r word, "mental," and more. I ask you to please reconsider these words in your posts and comments. Know that struggling with these fears really is a mental health struggle and by being ableist you're just adding to the already huge mental health stigma.
Please keep in mind that if you're being asked to wear a mask that the person asking may indeed be scared. They may be terrified and prepared to die. This is okay! Please take it seriously. Please don't just shrug it off and start bullying. And please please do not cough on people, spit, or otherwise contaminate anyone. This is not only wrong, but could hurt someone's mental health more.
PTSD is not just limited to sexual assault or war. PTSD can also look like someone who has feared germs their whole life being told this would never happen and it has.
Keep all this in mind as you make decisions about mask wearing and how you'll handle being around others in public spaces. I'm not going to try and persuade you either way, but this is real and this is scary to so many. It literally does feel like life and death to some of us.
This post was written by one of our readers that wishes to remain anonymous.